"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life" -John 8:12
It took a long time for me to publish this blog because it covers a really sensitive topic. Shame.Where Shaming Began
I attended a Christian Preschool when I was three. When a classmate did something wrong or broke a rule, the teacher would make all of us rub our right pointing finger over the other like we're making fire with sticks, as if we're shooting a wisp of guilt onto the child. In case that's not enough of shaming, we'd then say, "Shame Shame on...(insert student's name here)." It would be embarrassing to be called out like that in front of the class. Often times, the student would cry or put his head down.
It happened to me once when I was not paying attention in class. Instead of following the lesson, a girl that sat behind me wanted to play with my hair, and I let her. The next instant, the class was calling "Shame, shame on Ryann Hernandez." I was mortified! The teacher wrote my name on the board, and I felt like I just wanted to die. My eyes swelled up, and I dug my head into my arms, sitting quietly at my desk. For the whole day I couldn't think of anything or learn anything. The only thing I remember was looking at my name on the board for the remainder of the day. The next day was better. The board was wiped clean, and I smiled to see that my name was removed.
Shame. To me, it's always been such a dirty word. It tells us that something's wrong. It makes us want to hide from ourselves, others, and God. It tells us that who we are deep down, fundamentally, we're flawed. Shame likes to keep us in the dark where we can't see anything. Shame whispers to us that we are unworthy, unloved, alone and cannot be helped. Shame is a liar!
When God made us, he blessed us with the gift of free will. If not for free will, we cannot choose to love. If we cannot chose to love, well then, what's the point here? We'd just all be a bunch of programmed robots roaming around. However, in the beginning of creation, God walked with Adam and Eve. They were so close to love, and as we know God is love.
But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love
1 John 4:8
When God created us, he made us without shame.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed
-Genesis 2:25
However, shame was born out of sin. After Adam and Eve took of the fruit, in which God commanded them not to eat. They then realized they were naked.
So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.
Genesis 3:6-7
God saw Adam when he took of the fruit. He understood him and everything behind his action. Remember God is all knowing, omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent.
- “Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth, He will not grow tired or weary and his understanding no one can fathom.” -Isaiah 40:28
- “The eyes of the Lord are everywhere, keeping watch on the wicked and the good.” -Proverbs 15:3
- “…for the Lord searches every heart, and understands every motive behind the thoughts. If you seek him, we will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever.” -1 Chronicles 28:9
- “Ah, Sovereign Lord, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you.” -Jeremiah 32:17
- “I am the Alpha and the Omega, says the Lord God, who is and who was, and who is to come. The Almighty.” -Revelation 1:8
So what? Now what?
If God already knew where Adam was, knew that he sinned, and knew why he did it, why did the Lord call to him in verse nine, "Where are you?" Then when Adam responded that he heard Him, and was afraid because he was naked, God asked him "Who told you that you were naked?" Then to Eve, he asks, "What is this you have done?"
God knew all the answers to these questions yet he still asks them. Why? You see, the amazing and awesome thing that God does is awakens our souls for true repentance. When we continue to hide and sulk in our shame, the further away we are from God. Adam and Eve covered themselves with fig leaves and animal skins, but they needed the covering of the atoning blood.
As I mentioned in my previous blog, I backslid for seven years. In that time, I hid my face from God. I found it harder and harder to pray, although I faintly heard his voice asking, "Who do you say I am?" (Mark 8:29; Matthew 16:15). I would not have an answer, knowing who he is, only for my shame to be revealed to me. He says, "I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting" (Acts 9:5). Yes, in that time I still prayed, and told people I believed in God. But my life spoke otherwise. I wondered why I was still an empty shell trying to fill the void with worldly pleasures and partying. Truth is, I was an empty shell, persecuting Jesus everyday, lacking the spirit of the Lord, only surrounding myself with worldly things, turning my face away from those in need.
God detests the prayers of a person who ignores the law.
-Proverbs 28:9
Remember, God tells us, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 16:19-21). My biggest fear in surrendering to God was the change I would have to make. That meant, coming face to face with all my shame, and giving up everything I needed to hide. I am asking readers today, if you are hiding in your shame, God says to come out of the darkness because "If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin" (1John 1:6-7).
The battle does not end here. Although I've kicked shame in the butt in those occasions, baring all my sins to God and accepting his forgiveness, it gets a little tricky when learning to live in light with others. If you are a parent, you know what I means. Those kids can really expose your sins. I could easily fall, just as Adam did over and over again. Paul warns us in Ephesians, "For at one time you were in darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take not part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them, For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret (Ephesians 5:8-16)
I mentioned above that it took me a long time to write because I was contemplating this topic. Shame is such a sensitive issue and there are so many emotions attached to it. For me, it is difficult to speak of my sins of the past. I do not boast in it, nor do I boast about being fully surrendered to God because there are always going to be unspoken areas in my life that humbles me. I do however, praise God for all His goodness. He receives the glory for His forgiveness and grace. I pray today for all who struggle. May God's light shine upon you, and may you receive his saving grace today.
Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. -Ephesians 4:3
