For the Love

I woke up this morning to find a message from our pastor on our church's whatsapp chat.

Although I'm down with the flu, and physically in pain, I'm filled with joy because it's a reminder of God’s love and grace.  Christians often have a reputation of being hypocrites, as in we don’t practice what we preach.  God does not like us to judge people, but he's given us the gift of judgement so that we may be able to discern right and wrong. It's important as Christians, we do not make assumptions about God based off of the way other Christians live their lives.  Remember, we are NOT perfect, but God is!

In my youth, I spent some time at the back of church, judging the people in front of me.  I thought, “How could they raise their hands to God knowing the sins they committed just yesterday!” It didn’t hit me until almost ten years later. It took a long time to understand what it means to be covered by God’s grace, and through that time, God was preparing me to fulfill the call.

I spent the last week battling motherhood, a teaching career, and not to mention, the flu.  Just in the past two days, I grounded my daughter for using her ipad past bedtime, made Valentine goody bags for two classes, took my daughter to her play rehearsals, registered my eldest for his driving test, broke up two fights at school, wrote two substitute lesson plans, maintained a cleanly home, and managed to put dinner on the table under some mild OTC medication.  True, we live in a busy, and pretty distracting world.  It’s easy to get caught up in “life,” and forget what we are living for.  When I ask my students what they live for, many of their responses are simple: my family, my friends, to get a job, to make a better life.  It all boils down to the love they have for each other.  LOVE. 

How do we know what true love is? How can we recognize it in this world? Through some harsh life lessons, I learned how to discern God's love rather than live by subjective feelings.  Trust. I'm still going through it.  But here's what I have so far.

#1 Hear the Call

When I first gave my life to Christ, I was seventeen years old, a senior in high school.  My parents forced me into a private school after I got myself into trouble in public school.  Apparently, they though I needed Jesus (they were right!). I attended a youth service, and there was an alter call.  I spent almost a year going to youth service, but I always sat in the back, and hesitated to go up for prayer.  I finally felt the nudge (it must have been the Holy Spirit), and the conviction overwhelmed me.  My experience during that time, I can't explain in words.  All I can say is, I met Jesus, and knew it was him. I felt his love surround me as the song I surrender resonated in my heart.  

All to Jesus I surrender,

Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now.

It was such an uplifting feeling.  It was as if I heard his voice faintly, my troubles were gone. Afterwards, I just wanted to seek him and follow his word, just so I could feel his presence again.

#2 Recognize False Teaching

But when I entered college, I became skeptical.  As an English major at the university, many of my required reading material were written by profound atheist such as Freud, Nietzsche, and Foucault. I started looking up to these people with such fluid intellect. It was then I began seeking the meaning of existence through the psychology and exploration of the human condition.  I was so eager to craft my own identity that the voice of Jesus became fainter and fainter, until I did not even think about Him. I traded my bible for philosophical texts. I questioned whether God really existed or if he was just another character in a cultural myth.  When your foundation is not set upon Jesus and God's word, it's easy to discard it. In the Christian world, we call this backsliding. Life became centered around me, and the things I learned did not compliment biblical doctrine. Big UH OH! I searched for love the world had to offer, and I often mixed up love with emotion. I based love off of how someone or something made me feel, and I based life off of my accomplishments. Totally subjective! The bible clearly tells us,

"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love" (1 John 4:8).

I was convinced that we give and show love by a set of standards, and I learned through bits of pop literature. Purchasing roses on valentines, going on dates, not cheating, buying gifts, being supportive, etc... All which are wonderful, but this was my only standard of love. In my first year of college, quit attending church and bible study, fell out of fellowship, and  became pregnant. Anyone who had kids while going to school understands the struggle is real! My college years were a time of confusion and distress. I left home and became engaged without my parents’ blessings. I began  picking and choosing the parts of adulthood I’d like to adopt, and tried to make it work. Eventually, I went through a bad break-up that ended in a lot of shattered glass, broken furniture, a lease I couldn’t pay, and a child I was not prepared for. 

Then: Audrey and Mommy 2009                                Now: Audrey's Baptism 2017

It was then I realized that the identity I was creating for myself was definitely not working because I really did not have control over my life.  Actually, my life was totally out-of-control. I was a broke student, jobless, in debt, and I had no diapers or food for my baby.  I finally had enough! I fell on my knees, and prayed for forgiveness and guidance, giving it all up to the Man! In the Christian world, we call this repentance.  In the midst of my troubles, I lost faith. But this is what the Lord had done for me.

“He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.  He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” Mark 4:39-40

#3 Repent and Be Baptized

I told God that I will no longer do things my way, but I will follow his word, and I will first start by honoring my mother and father.  You see, I’ve always been a pretty rebellious teenager.  I left home trying to do things my way, but found myself returning as the prodigal son, or daughter in this case (Luke 15:11-32). At the age of 21, I repented and meditated day and night on two bible verses.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding.  In all ways, acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you Exodus 20:12

I remembered on youth night the pastor preached about this being the first commandment with a promise.  For some reason (It must have been the Holy Spirit), I remembered this in the midst of my trials.  In Proverbs 22:6, God tells us “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”  Was it too late for me to begin honoring my mother and father?  I was 21, about to graduate from college! I was a mother myself, but realized how much of a child I really was.  Spiritually, I was still a baby, and this meant, it was going to take me while to fully repent of my sins.  Because I spent years living in confusion, it was difficult to know truly what is right from wrong. For example, I always thought it was okay to live with your SO and “test the waters” before marriage.  I thought this was a good thing because making a promise for a lifetime is a big thing. And in 1 Thessalonians 5:21, Paul said to "test all things."   But God is clearly against cohabitation so that marriage stayed undefiled and sacred. And I'm pretty sure He meant "test all things" so it may correspond to scripture.

Over the next few years, God guided my every step.  I prayed for a husband, and shortly after I met Jason, who happened to be a single parent too.  I told him on our first date that I'm only in this for marriage, and wanted to do things the right way, especially to model that to our kids.  To my surprise, he wasn't scared off (there's the Holy Spirit again). We got married with my parents blessing. Throughout our marriage, God weaved godly people into our lives.  I began teaching Reading in middle school, and one of the teachers was a pastor who became a good friend of mine.  Her family ministered to mine, and my husband and I sought God and were baptized. In the book of Acts, the disciple Peter, preaches, 

“Peter replied, repent and be baptized every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins.  And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit (Acts 2:38)

It was then I decided to serve the Lord, and I was blessed that my husband wanted the same.

Water Baptism 2014

#4 Receive His Love and Grace

Here’s what I learned.  God’s love is free, his grace is free.  Jesus gave up his life so that we may live.  God made a covenant with his people, and gave us boundaries to live within.  His Holy Spirit lives through his word, and lives within us. All we have to do is believe and receive his grace and love.  When we struggle to believe that God’s promises will come, that is unbelief.  Galatians 5:6 says faith works by love.  Love is what moves our faith forward.  The lack of love diminishes our faith.

A few months ago, my husband's job was on the line. The company he worked for was downsizing, and he moved to another position.  We were blessed that this position came with a larger salary.  We knew it would be temporary so we prayed.  We knew that only God was in control of all circumstances, and he loves us.  We remained faithful, and followed what He wanted us to do.  However, the fear began to set in when he had an opportunity to move to another company, the company in which we had been praying for, but with a lesser pay.  He took the job, but the stress increased making it easy to turn on each other.  We fought the natural responses in our flesh, but would not let our circumstances blind us to God’s love.  Romans 8 tells us that nothing can separate us from God’s love.

We receive God’s love, given to us freely. Although we still sin, we do not live in sin.  Instead, we live under God’s grace. Now, I look to the cross, where Jesus bore all sin and pain, where even heaven turned their face from Him.  Romans 6 says that we died with Christ, and will also live with him.

National Day of Prayer 2017

#5 Answer the Call

Living with Christ means doing all things through Him.  It means living according to His will, His word, His way. In the Christian world, we call this answering the call. Read the bible, pray, and serve. Connect with a church family.  My family and I continue seek his word, pray alone and together, and serve God in the ministries.  If we are growing in Christ, our focus should be on him, and serving others because it is one way to serve the Lord.  

Mark 10:45 says, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”  

God wants all he has saved to serve in ministry, whether it is to be a mother or father with their children, a teacher or mentor, to worship in music, or just to be an encouragement to others.

I’m not saying to neglect your responsibilities at home to serve the church, but I am encouraging a ministry mindset.  Ministry is a matter of heart, not tasks.  God has given each of us spiritual gifts and talents.  What is gift has God given you? How can you use it to serve Him and others? For God so loved…He gave… (John 3:16)

Vacation Bible School 2017

RCCG Maranatha Chapel Guam

Church Family 2017

If we are created in the image of God, he is also calling us to LOVE and GIVE too. 

If you'd like me to pray for you, or even if you have any questions or comments, please feel free to leave a message or email me directly.  I appreciate prayer requests, comments, and questions.  However, please do not troll. Thank you.